Animal Fun

Here are two rather cute animal jokes: A lonely frog, desperate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store. 

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." 

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Second joke: A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." 

The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"

The guy replies: "I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Pet Jokes: dogs or centipedes?

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The owner says, "How about a dog?" The man replies, "Come on, a dog can't do everything." The owner says "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The owner thinks for a minute. Then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "Centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything but, ok ... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate. All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away. The countertops cleaned. The appliances sparkling. The floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed. The furniture cleaned and dusted. The pillows on the sofa plumped. The plants are watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This is a pet that can really do everything."He says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty minutes later, no centipede. The man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back by now. Forty-five minutes later, still no centipede. The man can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where was the centipede?
He goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the centipede sitting right outside the door. The man says,"Hey! I sent you 45 minutes ago to run down to the corner and just get me a newspaper. What's the story?"The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm puttin' on my shoes!”